Frank's Funny World

Friday, July 28, 2006

Life Cycle

I think the life cycle is all backwards

You should die first, start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then,
when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get
ready for High School.

You go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no
responsibilities, you become a baby, and then,

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury,
in spa-like conditions......central heating, room service on tap,
larger quarters every day,

and finally you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

lol

Bob comes home to find his girflfriend packing her bags. He asks her where she's going, and she replies angrily, "I'm leaving you because everyone's talking about how you're a pedophile!"

Bob stares in amazement and says, "Pedophile, eh? That's a mighty big word for a 12-year-old!""

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Uncle Fucka

Those Lovely Farmer's Daughters

A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates. The first beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?''

"No," the farmer said.

The second beau came to the door and said, ''I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?''

"No."

The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. ''Hello, my name is Chuck.''

The farmer shot Chuck.

wrong!

Jackson wins his first as Brewers defeat Reds, 6-5

By Rick Braun

CINCINNATI _ Zach Jackson provided a stunning example Monday night of the old adage that baseball is a funny game.

Making just his second major-league start for the Milwaukee Brewers, Jackson allowed four home runs to the Cincinnati Reds . . . and emerged as one of the stars of the game. That's because he did something no other pitcher trying to fill the fourth or fifth spot in the Milwaukee rotation has done.

He threw strikes.

Because Jackson didn't walk a single batter in his seven-inning stint, the Brewers were able to overcome the long balls for a 6-5 victory over the Reds before 19,279 fans at Great American Ball Park.

The victory improved the Brewers to 2-11 in starts made by replacements in the fourth and fifth spots in the rotation since Ben Sheets and Tomo Ohka went on the disabled list with shoulder injuries in early May.

"He did a nice job," Brewers manager Ned Yost said. "The home runs obviously hurt him, but he was on the attack and got us through seven. We haven't had that luxury with pitchers we've been trying to fill in that spot, and he's done it twice, two real good games. He kept us in the ball game and gave us a chance to win, and that's all we ask out of our starters."

Jackson was touched for a 432-foot blast by Adam Dunn in the second inning, but the Brewers came back to take a 4-1 lead on Carlos Lee's solo homer in the fourth and sacrifice flies by Brady Clark in the fourth and Lee and Prince Fielder in the fifth.

Jackson ran into some trouble in the bottom of the fifth, allowing a one-out single to Brandon Phillips and consecutive homers by David Ross and pinch hitter Jason LaRue.

In a 4-4 game, Yost let Jackson go out for the seventh inning, and Ross got him again, pounding a 1-0 pitch into the left-field seats for a 5-4 Reds lead.

"We tried to get him through one more (inning) right there," Yost said. "He was throwing the ball well. We had `Wiser' (Matt Wise) ready for Ross if Phillips got on, and he got Phillips out."

Jackson got the final two outs of the seventh, then sat back and watched his teammates give him his first major-league victory.

Fielder immediately tied the score with a home run off lefty Kent Mercker to lead off the top of the eighth.

After two outs, Brady Clark kept the inning alive with a soft single to center off Mercker, and the Brewers then put together two excellent at-bats against reliever Todd Coffey.

Coffey got ahead of pinch hitter Jeff Cirillo in the count, but the veteran fought his way back to earn a walk that moved Clark to second.

Coffey again got ahead against Rickie Weeks, but with the crowd chanting "Strike him out, strike him out," Weeks fouled off three pitches before ripping a single to left that scored Clark with the go-ahead run.

"To manufacture that second run was key," Yost said. "We laid off a lot of tough pitches. Rickie had a great at-bat and Cirillo had a great at-bat for the walk. I'm more proud of that than anything else we did offensively all night long."

Maybe even as proud as Jackson was of his first big-league "W."

"When it comes down to it, it's about getting the team a win," Jackson said. "Good teams battle back and they stick with you and pick you up even when you're not on top of your game. That's exactly what happened here. They picked me up and we were able to hold on to it. It was a great team win."

Even with the four home runs, Jackson never appeared to lose his poise or show any fear about pounding the strike zone. He finished the night with 65 strikes in 100 pitches.

"He's above his years," pitching coach Mike Maddux said of Jackson, who turned 23 a month ago and has only a little more than a season of minor-league experience. "He goes after people. He's got a lot of composure and he knows what he wants to do out there. He had a game plan and he executed his pitches.

"Their swings were not very good. Now they ran into a couple of mistakes that he made, but one thing you can't teach is that `Cool Hand Luke' out there, and that's what I like about him."

(c) 2006, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.